Peer Links Volume 7, Issue 1 October 2005 Controlling Anger Before it Controls You (c)Anger Management Counseling Practice of Toronto, www.anger.ca On September 29th, 2005 CILT offered a workshop entitled, "Boiling Points: Coping with Anger and Frustration". Dr. Kathryn Jennings, PhD., from the Anger Management Counselling Practice of Toronto joined us for the first half of the workshop and provided us with some practical tips used to control anger and frustration. For those of you who were unable to attend the workshop, I would like to take this opportunity to share with you some of the material that Kathryn presented in the workshop. We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. What is Anger? The Nature of Anger Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a co-worker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. Expressing Anger The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive-not aggressive-manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others. Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward-on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships. Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside. As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone-or something-is going to get hurt." Anger Management The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions. Are You Too Angry? There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion. Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others? According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill. People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake. What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively. Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications. Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?" Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation. It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay Relaxation Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques. Some simple steps you can try: - Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut." - Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. - Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination. - Non strenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer. Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation. Cognitive Restructuring Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions-frustration, disappointment, hurt-but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away. Problem Solving Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away. Better Communication Angry people tend to jump to-and act on-conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger or your partner's anger spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one. Using Humor "Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a co-worker as a "dirt bag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation. The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them! When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets, stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression. What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh. Changing Your Environment Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them. Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself - Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night- perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit-try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments. - Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm. - Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project-learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train. Do You Need Counseling? If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"-that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used. What About Assertiveness Training? It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations. Remember, you can't eliminate anger-and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run. Assertive versus Unassertive and Aggressive Behavior Many people are concerned that if they assert themselves others will think of their behavior as aggressive. But there is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. Assertive people state their opinions, while still being respectful of others. Aggressive people attack or ignore others' opinions in favor of their own. Passive people don't state their opinions at all. The chart below gives some examples of the differences between passive, aggressive, and assertive behavior. The Passive Person Is afraid to speak up Speaks softly Avoids looking at people Shows little or no expression Slouches and withdraws Isolates self from groups Agrees with others, despite feelings Values self less than others Hurts self to avoid hurting others You're okay, I'm not The Aggressive Person Interrupts and "talks over" others Speaks loudly Glares and stares at others Intimidates others with expressions Stands rigidly, crosses arms, invades others' personal space Controls groups Only considers own feelings, and/or demands of others Values self more than others Hurts others to avoid being hurt I'm okay, you're not The Assertive Person Speaks openly Uses a conversational tone Makes good eye contact Shows expressions that match the message Relaxes and adopts an open posture and expressions Participates in groups Speaks to the point Values self equal to others Tries to hurt no one (including self) I'm okay, you're okay The Importance of Assertiveness: Taking the Test How Assertive are You? Answer True or False for the following statements (answers are on the last page of this newsletter). No cheating now. 1. You have a right to stand up for yourself and others. TRUE or FALSE 2. Saying something you know will hurt someone's feelings is just being assertive. TRUE or FALSE 3. Demanding things and bullying others is another way of being assertive. TRUE or FALSE 4. Which of the following determines if you are assertive? ( ) How attractive you are. ( ) How much money you have. ( ) Your communication skills. ( ) How many people are on your side. 5. Which of the following is an example of assertive behavior? ( ) Being loud and controlling the conversation. ( ) Agreeing with everything or being afraid to speak. ( ) Judging others and refusing to speak. ( ) Speaking openly and valuing both your and others' opinions. 6. It is better not to stand up for yourself so people won't think you are aggressive. TRUE or FALSE 7. Assertive people are usually conceited and overconfident. TRUE or FALSE 8. Which of the following physical behaviors would indicate to others that you are assertive? ( ) Slamming doors and making a lot of noise. ( ) Standing in a corner and avoiding people. ( ) Making eye contact with others and looking relaxed and open. ( ) Crossing your arms and glaring at others. ODSP Action Coalition Information Session The ODSP Action Coalition presented an information sharing session on the Ontario Disability Support Program. Major topics addressed: - Major challenges related to dealing with ODSP - Information on entitlements and how to access them - Strategies for individual and collective advocacy The speakers were Nancy Vander Plaats (Coalition Chair) and Cheryl Duggan (Scarborough Recipient Group). This information session was held Tuesday October 18, 2005, 2:00pm to 4:00pm at Birhmount Community Centre, 93 Birchmount Road (at Kingston Road). . Workplace Essential Skills Partnership (WESP) The Canadian Council on Rehabilitation and Work (CCRW), in collaboration with The Canadian National Institute for the Blind (CNIB), is pleased and excited to present the Workplace Essential Skills Partnership (WESP). The WESP is an employment program designed to provide job seekers with disabilities in the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) the opportunity to enhance their employability in preparation for a variety of labour market sectors. The WESP includes a continuous intake and assessment process along with an intensive eight-week employment enhancement program offered three times during the year. The WESP is designed using the model of the highly successful Skills Training Partnership (STP) Program, a pre-employment program for persons with disabilities that has a proven track record of success in other parts of Canada, (For more information on the STP pre-employment model refer to www.ccrw.org ). Features of the WESP program: - The WESP is available in the Greater Toronto Area to job seekers with cross-disabilities - Professional intake, assessment and return to work action plans - 3 (eight week employability enhancement sessions) - In depth vocational evaluations - Full time job developer - Connections to employers - Professional workplace accommodation and consultation Referral of participants: Please refer candidates who indicate a desire to work and improve their employability skills. The ideal candidate will have English language proficiency skills, be self-motivated, and possess the necessary mobility skills to be successful in the workplace. Some previous employment history is an asset but not necessary. He/She will have some transferable skills based on the Nine Essential Skills such as, strong reading and writing skills, numeracy, problem solving, customer service skills, basic computer skills and some understanding of his/her own personal accommodation needs. Because this person will already have some of these skills, the Workplace Essentials Skills Partnership Program will enhance these abilities and strengths. Employability skills development is a prerequisite to obtaining employment. The WESP will give participants the necessary tools to be competitive in the job market and the confidence to find, retain, and succeed at any job. Each of the eight-week sessions is customized to prepare participants for all aspects of employment, ranging from effective communication and in-office etiquette, to decision-making and problem solving. With a highly interactive course curriculum all participants will have an opportunity to gain hands-on experience with a team approach that models the real work environment. WESP staff arrange job shadowing, in which participants will have the opportunity to get first-hand insight into a profession. Participants will also benefit from a full-time Job Developer who conducts continuous marketing and outreach to employers. Some of the topics that will be covered in the WESP Employability Enhancement sessions include: Personal Values; Dealing with Change; Managing Finances; Understanding Diversity; Goal Setting; Employer Expectations; Workplace Culture and Etiquette; Employment Equity Act; Ontarians with Disabilities Act; Workplace Accommodations; Workplace Health and Safety; Introduction to Mentoring; Team Building; Job Shadowing; Employer networking sessions; and Workplace tours. The CCRW Job Accommodation Service (JASTM) will provide employment accommodation consultation and assessment to all employers that hire a WESP participant. Follow-up will be conducted to secure participant and employer satisfaction and to further entrench a commitment to the proper accommodation of new employees with disabilities throughout the program. All classes will be facilitated at the state-of-the- art CNIB Centre located at 1929 Bayview Avenue. A WESP Vocational Coordinator will be permanently located at the CNIB. Accessing the Workplace Essential Skills Partnership - The WESP is available in the Greater Toronto Area to job seekers with cross-disabilities and can be accessed through these methods: Online: Primarily through the CCRW's employment portal WORKink at www.workink.com, through the CCRW website at www.ccrw.org, or through the CNIB website at www.cnib.ca. Via Telephone: By contacting WESP staff at the CCRW head office in Toronto at 416-260-3060 (See contacts listed below) or the WESP Vocational Coordinator at the CNIB at 416-486-2500 ext 8237. Through community service providers: By contacting your local community service provider for persons with disabilities and asking to be referred to the WESP. The Workplace Essential Skills Partnership is managed by the Canadian Council on Rehabilitation and Work and is graciously funded by Service Canada (formerly HRSDC). For over 30 years, The Canadian Council on Rehabilitation and Work has assisted Canadians with disabilities in gaining employment. As a National organization, CCRW believes and affirms that Canadians with disabilities can work, want to work and will work. Visit www.ccrw.org. Intake: The WESP will have continuous intake throughout the year. Please contact the Vocational Coordinator for more information on the intake process, or to refer a client to the Program. Session Dates: There are three session start dates: October 24, 2005 - December 16, 2005 January 16, 2006 - March 10, 2006 April 10, 2006 - June 2, 2006 Contacts: For all information regarding intake and sessions, please contact: Wendy Pulton WESP Vocational Coordinator Canadian Council on Rehabilitation and Work 1929 Bayview Ave. Toronto, Ontario M4G 3E8 Phone: (416) 486-2500 ext. 8237 Email: wpulton@ccrw.org Jodi Shannahan WESP Vocational Coordinator The Canadian Council on Rehabilitation and Work 111 Richmond Street West, Suite 401 Toronto, Ontario M5H 2G4 Phone: (416) 260-3060 ext. 236 Fax: (416) 260-3093 TTY: (416) 260-9223 Email: jshannahan@ccrw.org Web: www.ccrw.org Kattleya Tirona Community Career Liaison/Vocational Evaluator CNIB 1929 Bayview Ave. Toronto, Ontario M4G 3E8 416-486-2500 ext. 8272 kattleya.tirona@cnib.ca News You Can Use ** Government of Canada Provides $1,000,000+ to Nine Projects ** On August 22, Ken Dryden, Minister of Social Development, announced funding for nine projects with disability organizations to help persons with disabilities become employed through services such as skills enhancement, work experience and career counselling. The government supports these projects through the Opportunities Fund for Persons with Disabilities, which supports a broad array of employment projects for people with disabilities who are unemployed and who are not normally eligible for employment benefits under the Employment Insurance Act. Toronto Parks, Forestry and Recreation invites you to participate in a consultation session for Torontonians with disabilities. To fill in a survey and see a list of upcoming sessions, visit http://www.toronto.ca/parks/survey/index.htm. Respiteservices.com, which coordinates a network of agencies and organizations providing respite services to individuals with all kinds of disabilities and their families, will now be available across Ontario. Building on the success of the Toronto model of www.respiteservices.com, this expansion will take place over the next three years. PLAN was founded 16 years ago to help parents answer the question, "What will happen to our son or daughter with a disability when we die?" It has assisted many families since. PLAN's informative new website has been designed to assist people as they plan for the safety, security and well-being of a relative with a disability. http://www.plan.ca Aging and Developmental Disabilities Project- Transition Guide Now Online The Transition Guide developed by the OPADD Transition Task Group is now available online at www.opadd.on.ca. Go to the home page and click on the link to the right of the screen. The guide contains information to help caregivers plan with the person who is aging with a developmental disability. Developing a personal history, health care issues, substitute decision-making, finances and principles for transition planning are some of the topics covered. HAO's New Province-Wide EOL Website HAO will soon be launching its new province-wide, comprehensive website on end-of-life care. This site builds on our original Toronto-area website supported by the Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care, Toronto Region. By leveraging our Government funding, we were able to gain the commitment of three other major funders (RBC Financial Group, The Order of St. Lazarus, Toronto Region, and the Order of St. John) in order to build a province-wide site. So, if you are interested in available services in Cape Croker, Ear Falls, Hope, Nepean, Pethericks Corners, Snug Harbour and Watrington, not to mention large urban centres such as Toronto, London, Ottawa etc, please go to www.hospicelifeline.com, hit "Programs and Services" and then go to "Search Programs by Community." Wheelchair Sports Galore! Wheelchair Basketball Wheelchair basketball for men and women is highly developed in Ontario, boasting more participation than any other wheelchair team sport. Leagues have also been developed which include able-bodied athletes as well as disabled athletes: aiding in the development of wheelchair opportunities in smaller communities. One of the attractions to basketball is that it is relatively inexpensive because of the lack of required equipment. All players need for this fun team game is a sporty chair and a lot of heart. Only two basic rule changes are required to adapt basketball to wheelchair play. The first rule is related to 'traveling'. Two deliberate movements of the wheel are permitted prior to dribbling: a third dribble would constitute traveling. Also, 'double dribbling' does not exist in wheelchair basketball. There is a classification system in place to ensure athletes of all ability can play. A point value is applied in wheelchair basketball that ensures that balance is maintained in the make-up of each team. The point values represent the functional ability of each athlete in regards to anatomical capabilities. Class "1" is characterized by the severe reduction in power and grip in the upper limbs; whereas, Class "4" is characterized by optimal sitting position, arm power and trunk rotation. A total of five players are permitted on the floor per team at any given time, yet the team value must not exceed 14.0 points. For more information, contact OWSA at info@ontwheelchairsports.org or by calling (416) 426-7189, or check out their website at www.ontwheelchairsports.org. Contacts: Burlington Vipers London Wheelchair Basketball Association Chris Chandler (905) 332-9261 c.chandler@cogeco.ca Paul Bowes (519) 471-4189 pbowes@execulink.com Kingston Family YMCA Wheelchair Basketball Adam A. Arturs (613) 546-2647, ext. 245 adam_arturs@kingston.ymca.ca Ottawa Carleton Wheelchair Sports Association Dana Chenette (613) 748-5774 ocwsa@tavel-net.com Windsor Bulldogs Dave Greig (519) 977-9069 d_a_greig@canada.com Variety Village Steve Bialowas (416) 699-7167 sbialowas@varietyvillage.on.ca Wheelchair Rugby The sport of wheelchair rugby originated in Winnipeg, Canada in 1976 and was originally called Murderball due to its aggressive nature. The sport roots back to basketball, ice hockey, and American football and is the only wheelchair sport played solely by quadriplegic athletes. The sport of Wheelchair Rugby is growing rapidly and there are now domestic or international programs in 36 countries. Also known as Quad Rugby it is played using a volleyball, on a standard basketball court, by four players per team. Players are graded according to level of disability from 0.5 (approximately equal to a C5 tetraplegic) to 3.5 (least impaired) and the team fielded must total 8.0 points or less - similar idea to wheelchair basketball. The teams are not gender specific. Goals are scored by crossing the opponent's goal line with the ball in possession. While the offense is trying to advance the ball, the defense is trying to take it away and keep the opposing team from scoring. Key Rules - The ball must be passed or dribbled every 10 seconds. - Within 15 seconds the ball must enter the opponent's half. - Fouls are assessed and are penalized by use of the one minute penalty, ball turnover or awarding of a goal. - There are no restrictions on amount of pushes. - Chair contact is allowed but not personal contact. Each match consists of 4 quarters of 8 minutes (clock stops when ball is out of play), and with timeouts, etc. a typical game will last about an hour. In the event of a draw, 3 minutes of extra time can be played. For more information contact OWSA at info@ontwheelchairsports.org or (416) 426-7189 or check out their website at www.ontwheelchairsports.org. Contacts: London Annihilators Harry Deboer (519) 245-4447 harrydeboer22@hotmail.com Ottawa Stingers Martin Larocque (613) 443-0519 kwad@sympatico.ca Toronto Barking Spiders Hughes Myner (416) 407-6327 pcmyner@sympatico.ca Chris Stevenson (705) 739-9954 kadon67@rogers.com Education Wife Assault Presents the Third of a 4-part workshop series: "Learning the Signs" What to look for in Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships For Women with Disabilities Facilitated By Women with Disabilities Saturday November 12, 2005 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. Centre for Independent Living in Toronto 205 Richmond St. W., (Richmond & Duncan) Suite 605 Register Early, Space is Limited $5.00 or Pay What You Can! Please bring exact change if you can. Refreshments will be provided. ASL Interpreters, Computer Note-taking, Attendant Care and Child Care Services can be provided on request. To register, please contact Fran Odette by November 4, 2005. Phone #: 416-968-3422. Ext: 30 TTY #: 416-968-7335 E-mail: fodette@womanabuseprevention.com The Importance of Assertiveness Answers to quiz on page 9. Q1: You have a right to stand up for yourself and others. A1: True. Everyone has a right to stand up for his or her beliefs. That is the definition of being assertive. Q2: Saying something you know will hurt someone's feelings is just being assertive. A2: False. Saying something you know will hurt others is just being mean. It's important to speak up for yourself, but you can do that without hurting those around you. If you know what you are about to say may hurt someone, but you still feel you need to say it, consider phrasing your statement as kindly as possible. For example, something complimentary or pleasant at the same time, or acknowledge it's a difficult topic and handle it discreetly. Q3: Demanding things and bullying others is another way of being assertive. A3: False. Demanding and bullying is being aggressive, not assertive. You can stand up for your thoughts and beliefs without forcing them on others. Q4: Which of the following determines if you are assertive? A4: Looking attractive, having money, or having people back you up may help some people be assertive, but you don't need these qualities to be assertive. In fact, a true test of assertiveness is if you are willing to take a stand even if you know others might not agree with you or be awed by your looks or money. Q5: Which of the following is an example of assertive behavior? A5: Assertive behavior is speaking one's mind but doing so without talking over others or ignoring others' opinions and feelings. Q6: It is better not to stand up for yourself so people won't think you are aggressive. A6: False. You can speak up for yourself and be assertive without being aggressive. Remember, being assertive doesn't mean being impolite. As long as you respect that other people have different feelings and opinions, people will respect you when you speak. Q7: Assertive people are usually conceited and overconfident. A7: False. If someone comes across as conceited or overconfident, it is probably because they are being inconsiderate to others. That is not the same as being assertive. Being assertive is walking the fine line between valuing your own opinion as well as others. Q8: Which of the following physical behaviors would indicate to others that you are assertive? A8: Looking as though you are interested in a conversation and open for discussion is one way to show you are assertive. Avoiding people or intimidating them is a sign that you are too passive or aggressive. Peer Links is a quarterly publication of the Peer Support Program. To become a member of the Peer Support Program, or to receive Peer Links on a regular basis, please contact Nancy at: Centre for Independent Living in Toronto (CILT) Inc. 205 Richmond Street West, Suite 605 Toronto, Ontario M5V 1V3 Tel: (416) 599-2458, extension 27 Fax: (416) 599-3555 TTY: (416) 599-5077 Email: peervolunteer@cilt.ca Website: www.cilt.ca Peer Links is also available on audiotape. Articles on products, agencies or services are for information only and are not meant as endorsements. The opinions expressed in this newsletter are those of the contributors and may not reflect the views of CILT. Supported by a Toronto Community Service Grant, United Way and Human Resources Development Canada (c)Centre for Independent Living in Toronto (CILT) Inc.